Meeting Ground Rules and Code of Conduct
No penetration. Oral only at designated parties. This group is explicitly for masturbation, mutual masturbation, and manual stimulation. Sometimes we allow oral in the mix, which will be announced on a per-party basis. Our rationale is in the Frequently Asked Questions. If you want to do more—such as anal sex—please make arrangements with your desired partner to do so outside the Jacks group.
Identities are confidential. You can talk about what happens in the group, but never share who was at the group or where it was held. Yes, you can tell your friend about the whole spatula scene. But no, you can’t tell them who owned the spatula. If you meet a fellow group member in public, please do not approach them unless they have previously given permission.
Explicit consent: “Yes means yes.” Rather than doing the whole eye contact “I hope he knows what I mean by this eyeblink” dance, consent must be explicit. Before touching someone, ask, “May I?” If they say anything other than “Yes,” smile and move on. If they say “Yes,” go for it. If someone changes their “Yes” to a “No,” respect that and move on. If they meant to give you a “yes” look but didn’t say yes, move on, and they’ll make it clear very quickly that they want to play.
Compassion: Mutual support. People might bring fantasies or conversation topics to the group that they wouldn’t be able to share, discuss, or act out anywhere else. If someone’s turn-on is “choking the chicken” using a rubber chicken, crisco, and a spatula, you might be tempted to laugh, but instead, help them get into it.
Many guys are nervous at the start. Common worries include not being able to perform, being too quick, not being attractive enough, etc. Remember that everyone has their own insecurities and be gentle.
Compassion: Say “no” respectfully. We’re committed to being an inclusive group that respects all our members, of all races, ages, and body types. It’s fine to tell someone you’re not interested, but it’s not fine to make blanket judgments based on race, age, or body type. That’s racist, ageist, discriminatory and can be very hurtful to the person you’re speaking with. If you’re not interested, a simple “Thanks for asking, but we’re not a match” is the most courteous way to it. If you’re online, ask for a picture rather than asking about the various identity categories. That way we’ll all be happy.
No fully-clothed voyeurism. Clothes can be fun for role plays or fetishes. Most guys go naked, but we have a member who loves wearing his baseball cap and sneakers. Someone else likes to wear a T-shirt. Or a harness. You can wear whatever gets you (and/or everyone else) off, except if you only plan to watch, you can’t remain fully clothed. Voyeurs must strip down to a shirt or underwear—but not both—so they contribute to the sexualized atmosphere.
Take care of the space. Whether we meet in a private residence or a space we’re renting, we are the stewards of the space while we are there. Clean up your messes, don’t break anything, keep things tidy, and be a good guest.
No cell phones. No photography. Check your phone at the door.